just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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