I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize