You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
