I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
