Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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