Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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