I accidentally burped into my bong.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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