OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
