You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
