I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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