Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
