Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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