Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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