I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
