It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
