I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We had sex on a dog bed..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
