Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
