I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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