you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
