He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're like the curious george of whores
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
