Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my poor anus
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
