not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
