haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
