I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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