Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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