i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
