Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
