you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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