Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize