I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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