i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
