now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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