It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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