Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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