The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
