come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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