There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
