I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
