everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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