Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
