I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
