The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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