I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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