i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
