Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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