I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
