I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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