She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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