Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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