haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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