I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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