He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
