who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
