Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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