Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
