addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
