This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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