We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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