that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
