I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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