he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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