well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
