i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
