his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
