Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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