I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
